Thursday, November 12, 2009

HeLLooo ;)

How are y'all? I hope u're better than me... :( Middle School Life started okay, got worse and improved again. I found a whole lot of new friends, but their clique was founded ages before I joined in. I just came and bumped into their group. They were totally nice and after breaking apart from my old friends, it was really nice to have someplace where I could fell "home" again. I had a good friend (that turned into my best friend over the course of the year) in that group, but she got into a fight with the rest of the clique and it ended that the clique broke up. Until the end of the school year last year, we all got used to that idea, until summer camp. Somehow I thought I'd ruined everything, by talking to the so-called "bitches" (they are really slutty, but that doesn't mean I can talk to them) and was "accused" of betraying them because I talked to the "enemies" I backed away from a group, because I'd rather be a friendless loser, than with a bunch of friends who hated me :(
I went into the summer holidays leaving it all open... I didn't see any of them all summer, and thought 8th grade would be hell: no friends, and the ones I wanted to be my friends, probably hated me...
It turned out a bit better than that though: They kinda forgot about summer camp, or at least forgave me, so I was "in" the clique again. I was REALLY glad about that, but my best friend from 7th grade wasn't in the same class anymore, the only people from that group were two girls, that ALWAYS stuck together, and I was like "great, I haven't got any friends in this class" I really didn't want to break into their bonded friendship. During the beginning of the school year though, My old best friend found a "new" best friend and I had to find a new "friend" to hang out with. You have to have your own best friend in the clique, or else you're like the outsider...
Well, during the beginning of the year I became friends with the two girls from the clique that were in my class, and we kinda became the "trio". But like it always is with a group of three, there is always an odd one out: me -.-
One week, when one friend was sick, I bonded with the other friend and I felt happy again. Then the sick friend was in school again and the other one got sick. I bonded with her as well... But then both of them were in school again. And I was alone again :'(
They kept together again and I am trying to hang on to the group...
It has always been like that: I have to cing to the group and try to "stay in the boat" on my own. There's is no one to give me a hand and help me, never. Some moments I think: "Stop complaining Laura!! You have group of wonderful friends, with whom you can have loads of fun with!" But in other moments I lie in bed crying and thinking: "Why are they doing this to me? I want a friend to wait for me after classes and that I can call when I am down"
I try my best to be nice to everyone: I am the one that's always there and helps with the HW, I am always available when someone needs a shoulder to cry on, I always wait for them after classes!
But no one is ever there for me...
:'(
I have no clue how to get out of this drama? I've endured it for to long! I have the feeling that I have different friends every year, and I am sick and tired of having to go around and finding new ones. That's not fiar to other people too :(
Help me.
If you have any tips, or have been in a similar situation, pls contact me!!

xoxo

♥♥♥ LAURA ♥♥♥

xoxo

Posted by Laura at 10:23 PM